And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
