I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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