Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
