Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
