Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
