Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
