god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
