You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
