omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm both gender and math confused
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
