Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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