I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
