Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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