Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
nutella sex= disaster
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
