Well douche your snatch and let's go!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
