Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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