Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
