did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So here I am, sexting at work.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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