if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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