I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
