and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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