i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Congratulations! We have a period
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
