The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
