The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
