I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
