I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
