why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
