yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Damn victory sex feels great
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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