I think im going to throw up on grandma
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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