idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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