Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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