I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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