Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
