the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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