Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
