I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
