So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
