Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You dont lie about slip and slides
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
