Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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