imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Girls should come with a carfax report
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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