Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
