I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
