There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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