**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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