I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
