that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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