do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
