Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
