i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
