dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
