Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
