so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
