watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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