Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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