I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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