I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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