mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Come back. Shots need mouths.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
