If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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