Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
