The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
where am i from again
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
