I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
